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Ann Coulter: The Secret Liberal Crush

In conversations with liberal acquaintances its is fairly safe to assume they have a seething hatred of President Bush, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, and Rush Limbaugh.  However on the subject of Ann Coulter you can tell by the gleam in their eyes that you have just given them a rise.

The first thing they usually focus on is her faulty grasp of history.  This is particularly a fun bit of irony for myself in these exchanges, mostly because liberals either embrace revisionist histories, histories run through a leftist prism, or choose to be willfully ignorant of history if it does not suit them (you know like their collective amnesia over Democrats voting for the war.)

After a short romp through the relative merits of if the Canucks could beat a Vietnamese hockey team, the next stage of a Coulter discussion will circle the drain around how hateful she is.  It is just so shocking to them!  They think she is a hateful, evil human being who says mean spirited things about the nearly saints of their realm, the likes of Sheehan, Edwards, et al. who should be beyond the reach of Coulters vitriol.  Then I mention how they tossed the television remote at Bush during a news conference…ignoring the fact that the man was thousands of miles away through the magic of modern technology, and that their television was apparently not important to them.

After all of this the conversation returns to Coulter.  That poor misguided soul…all she needs is the right liberal man to set her straight!   The image of a naked liberal-wipped Ann Coulter in Birkenstocks,  munching on granola at the next Burning Man slips into my head – as it had no doubt entered the glazed over eyes of my liberal acquiantance who is also no doubt enjoying some form of Coulter-lust fantasy if not the one I had actually pictured him thinking.

I allow him a few moments to wallow in his Opie and Anthony dreams …then I say:

“It’d never happen.”

“Yeah,” says the friend.  “Just just too messed in the head for me, her loss.”

I nod in agreement.  It was her loss, but not because she would miss out on learning the wonders of liberal love from such a free thinking man.  It was her loss for not being able to shoot my liberal friend down for being the jerk he is.

Of course he would never see that in himself…because he’s a liberal.

  * The friend in this story is a representation of more than one person.
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